What a weird week. I don’t even know where to start. I’ve been caught up in so much bureaucracy I don’t think I can look at another form without having a minor breakdown. My body tenses up and I partially zone out for a bit. Hopefully this is the final stretch. 

On a positive note, I need to say Emília has been the gift that keeps on giving. This 8 year-old is way too smart and so incredibly caring. I don’t know if she senses I am not feeling great, but she always surprises me with an “I love you. You are the best mom in the world.” She wakes up in the morning needing a hug. As a matter of fact she needs hugs throughout the day. I can relate to that so much.

I sense she’s going to be a little heartbreaker. During summer camp, she had her little Pokémon group at taekwondo and was basically the only girl. So, these boys were enamored with her and wanting to have play dates. I had to say “but you have play dates everyday!” Well, I guess exclusivity was the whole point.

She goes to school and comes back saying so-and-so said he liked her. I tell her “Emília, just say cool. Let’s play!” I mean, what am I gonna do? I don’t even want to start on my 14 year-old. That’s a whole different ball game. I’m not ready.

Anyway… Tonight, after taking Sam on a walk, I decided to just lay on my driveway to look at the sky. A minute later, here comes Emilia. No questions asked, she just lay down right next to me. We chatted for a little bit and made plans to try to see the stars like that. The sky was a beautiful pastel blue with lots of clouds. After a few giggles, she said “I was wondering if you were hurt, but no. You were just lying down on the driveway.” That is the kind of kid she is. Her room is a disaster, she doesn’t like to shower, she is very picky with food, but is the most attuned, caring, person I know. I hope I can continue to be one of her favorite people. I know I will disappoint her at some point, and that breaks my heart. But I also can’t continue to live to just make people happy. Giving all I have and getting nothing in return.