I have opened and shut the computer a few times in the past couple of days. The words, you have. The truth, you have. A test of resilience? Maybe. Let’s see how long I last.

I’ve been trying to find a way to describe the experience. Perhaps you need a rating? 🙂 Every now and then, I get the feeling. Body and mind. It’s a little overwhelming. I wonder if it’s just me. 

So I pack my days with lines, dimensions, orientation, zoning, code… Tangible things. Tangible realities. I try to escape into my own little world, 180 from you. It’s night time. I get sleepy and shut my eyes for a minute. I’ll take the mandatory parenting class tomorrow. 

Then, sometime around my 4am I suddenly awake. Sometimes I don’t even need to look at the clock. I just know. I get frustrated, roll around in bed, and write whatever sentence I woke up with. This time, it was a thought: happiness doesn’t require a set checklist. A standardized system, a how-to guide. There was another sentence I am not at liberty to disclose. It was a beautiful one though. VIP only.

Maybe 1 am is when I am, most inspired. I wonder if it’s just me.

One day, I’m going to look back into this moment, into these notes, and wonder if we were writing the script or just acting it out. Doing a lot of improv. Being stubborn children fighting a system that is not ours. Untethered, unbound, unrestrained. Nothing holding us down but our own choice to live out an experience. Existential freedom?—Don’t laugh, because I already did. Can I do it? Can you do it?

I never thought a t-shirt could be that romantic. At this point I can just choose to believe whatever I want. Intentional or not, it was the most romantic passage I have read in a long time. I thought I should say it out loud, even if you can’t hear the cosmic sound of my words.