It’s raining outside. Whenever it rains I get a little introspective, so I figured I should journal a little.

I went out to lunch with a good friend of mine. It was great to catch up since we both have been on trips recently. It was a beautiful sunny day and I decided to wear a white shirt. In good ol’ fashioned Florida weather, it started thunderstorming right when we had to leave. Well, brilliant me forgot the darn umbrella in the car (rookie mistake), and in a matter of minutes I was walking around like I had joined a wet t-shirt contest. No, it wasn’t pretty. Slightly funny, though. 

Now that I am home in comfortable clothes and dry, I find myself having a radical feeling of gratitude. I hope I can translate it here, though it might be difficult. I am sure I will be interrupted a few times—that might be the clue as to why I am always writing so late at night. 

The closer I get to finalizing things, the clearer they seem to get. What I want for myself, what I hope the kids learn from this situation, and ultimately, what makes me happy. That will always be my compass. Will I go through disappointments and a bunch of other challenging times? Certainly. The difference this time is that I don’t feel ignorant. Living is challenging, it is inevitable. It is part of the process. That is how we grow. How we approach the challenge is the real difference. One can choose to immediately react to things, or they can choose to just say: that happened. It sucks. It is hard. But it is not the end of the world. Just a pause before hitting the implode button.

If we strip away all of the noise, all of the so called beliefs, the ego, the fear, what do we have left? No one is paying my bills except myself. No one is suffering for me through my experiences. So, the noise? That is just what it is. Noise. Somehow, every time I tell someone I am going through a separation, they immediately say: Oh, no! I am so sorry! – I answer: You don’t need to be sorry, we both want that. That is what is best for everyone. I would be sorry to continue living in a relationship that has run its course. Their reaction is usually this: Oh? That is not common. Somehow they shift from being sorry, to being happy. It really is mind-blowing. 

The story we tell ourselves is ultimately the truth, because we create our reality. It is so hard to fight the conditioned behavior of self-sabotaging, social acceptance, familial acceptance and so on. 

Maybe I should save some time to discourse on family one day. As a mom, I don’t understand how other moms seem to believe their kids are their possessions. That they owe them, everything. Honestly, I have been trying to raise my children to find their own way in life. To understand the responsibility one has with being truly free. They don’t owe me anything. A little respect, maybe? 🙂 Yes. I would appreciate that. A basic concept, right? It is not something you force down someone’s throat, though. It is something you model.

Anyway, we are in this physical existence for a short period of time. Don’t waste it trying to live a life that is dictated by someone else’s rules. The ultimate lesson is to learn everything we unlearned: how to be ourselves. Only then we are truly free.

To accept we are all unique and magnificent in our own way. So, be excited about life. Look at what you have accomplished so far and be kind to yourself. Reframe how you see yourself. The rest is just that. Left over.